One of the good things that has come out of Ian's poor choices is that I've gotten back into counseling to help myself.
I truly am amazing.
That doesn't come from a king-of-the-mountain standpoint. It's taken me time to get here. I've come to the realization that I have endured many traumas and hardships, and they have made me stronger. Even though I came close a few times, I didn't cave, resign, or flat-out quit.
I learned. I grew courage and resilience.
I've made a safe place for myself and made decisions to improve myself and my life. All of this I've done with a background and childhood that were less than desirable. I have people that love me and support me, even when they disagree with me.
I deserve healthy relationships. I deserve safety and security. I deserve the better life I am creating for myself. I'm not perfect, but I am me. I am authentic and real.
I am finally getting to a place where I not only know these things intellectually, but believe them emotionally.
Steven told me a few months ago that I'm 'one tough bunny', and it made me uncomfortable, because I didn't feel so tough. I think, though, that toughness is in doing the right thing, standing up for myself, and allowing myself to feel.
I'm going to be okay. Us amazing beings don't wither.
