I have been conversing at length with an American man born in Lebanon. He has been in this country for over 30 years. His divorce was final in June, and he has since often said he doesn't know what he wants to do now. After 29 years spent in two committed relationships, he would like to explore his own interests, take time to heal, and get back on his feet physically, emotionally, and financially. Who can blame him?
Unfortunately, his family 'back home' does not agree. His mother, now the matriarch of the family since his father has passed, firmly believes that he needs a woman to take care of him. He's been divorced since June, why is he not remarried yet? So, as their traditions dictate, she is taking steps to arrange his next marriage. Never mind that he is 53 and quite capable of making his own decisions, or that he has been married twice (the second of which lasted for over 20 years) and doesn't want to do it again, or that he has five American children who will not be so accepting of the sudden appearance of a perfect stranger in the form of step-mom.
As I understand it, his mother and her brother (his uncle) can enter into a contract with the bride and her family, and my friend doesn't even have to be in attendance for it to be valid. The government will give her the appropriate papers to prove she is his wife, and when she arrives here, she can lay claim to all that is his.
My friend is very upset by this. One of his daughters and one of his sons absolutely refuse to speak with him about it; his other daughter refuses to speak with him period. His youngest son, who is 9, doesn't understand it at all. He will lose the respect of his children and friends. He will lose me, that's a given, because there isn't a wife in the world who is going to put up with her husband being on the phone every night for an hour or two with another woman. And he will lose his poker night, football Sundays, and all the freedoms he has taken for granted the past few months. He is not happy about this.
Add the fact that he's never met this woman. She may not speak English, which will make her completely dependent on him and cause further communication problems in his family. She may not be educated, which will make her completely dependent on him for food, shelter and clothing. Who knows? She may be a 3 foot tall, 900 pound lunatic. Oh, he is not happy about this at all.
Personally, I thought arranged marriages went out with the dark ages, but apparently not. A little research on the topic produced the following link: http://www.ghazi.de/society.html.
So now every time I talk to him, I first ask, "Are you married yet?" Yeah. In any other context, it'd be funny. But we both know, in less than a year, his mom-order bride could show up on his doorstep.
